A Grandmaster of Sarcasm
There is a new member in my top-ten humorous websites: 27bslash6. It consists mainly of David Thorne’s correspondence. Usually he receives a request, a bill or whatever else people mail to him, and he’ll respond with a mix of absolutely acid sarcasm and completely random made-up anecdotes that have nothing to do with whatever is being asked from him. He posts those exchanges on his website, and some of them are absolutely hilarious.
There is, for example, an exchange with his son’s school chaplain, asking to grant his son the permission to attend a bible-play outside the school grounds. On that permission slip is a picture of a little easter-bunny carrying a giant egg, beneath it is a drawing of Jesus carrying his cross. Handily, the “yes” box is already ticked.
Here is what Dave’s reply looks like:
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 10 March 2010 7.12pm
To: Darryl Robinson
Subject: Permission Slip
I have received your permission slip featuring what I can only assume is a levitating rabbit about to drop an egg on Jesus.
Thank you for pre-ticking the permission box as this has saved me not only from having to make a choice, but also from having to make my own forty five degree downward stroke followed by a twenty percent longer forty five degree upward stroke. Without your guidance, I may have drawn a picture of a cactus wearing a hat by mistake.
As I trust my offspring’s ability to separate fact from fantasy, I am happy for him to participate in your indoctrination process on the proviso that all references to ‘Jesus’ are replaced with the term ‘Purportedly Magic Jew.’
Of course this doesn’t remain unanswered. The exchange goes back and forth for a bit, the school chaplain reminding Dave of how important spirituality and “balance” are for a child, and that, according to an old saying, “life without religion is life without beauty”. The reply to this is among the most pointed and beautiful pieces of criticism of religion that I’ve encountered in a while:
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 12 March 2010 3.36pm
To: Darryl Robinson
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip
I agree completely that balance is an important component of a child’s education. I will assume then that you will also be organising a class excursion to a play depicting the fifteen billion year expansion of the universe from its initial particle soup moments following the big bang through to molecule coalescion, galaxy and planetary formation and eventually life?
Perhaps your church youth group could put together an interpretive dance routine representing the behaviour of Saturn’s moon Hyperion, shattered by an ancient collision and falling randomly back together, tugged to and fro by the gravitational pull of Titan, sixteen sister moons, the multi-billionfold moonlets of Saturn’s rings, Saturn’s gravitational field, companion planets, the variability’s of Sol, stars, galaxy, neighbouring galaxies… or possibly not, according to an old saying, there is no beauty in this.
Also, while I understand that the play is to be held outside school grounds, due to the fact that it is illegal to present medieval metaphysic propaganda in public schools, it is also my understanding that you are now required by law, as of last year, to go by the title Christian Volunteer rather than School Chaplain. A memo you may have missed or filed in your overflowing ‘facts that cease to exist when they are ignored’ tray.
I strongly suggest you read the whole thing.
Even better (but without the added value of criticism of religion) are he exchanges Simon’s Pie Charts and Missing Missy. Do not follow the last link if you are easily upset, as the picture of a cat was harmed in the production of this post.
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